I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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