My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
