so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
