We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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