I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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