Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I want a musical about memes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
