I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
