I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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