Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
