Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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