dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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