wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize