I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
