I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
