woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
