I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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