So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
