We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
