if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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