What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
