oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
