So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
