Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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