3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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