Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
