you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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