I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
