I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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