he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I party with great urgency now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize