His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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