I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
