I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize