Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
