I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
