I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
