the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
