Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
