Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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