i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I look better un-naked...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
