dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
