The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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