I wish I only lived at night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
