I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pants are for mortals
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize