my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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