he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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