I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
