Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
