I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
