How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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