I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
