Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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