I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize