We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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