just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
