i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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