Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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