yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
