You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
