just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
