last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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