dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
All I want is dick and wine.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize