I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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