Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize