Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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