So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
