I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
