some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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