If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
