I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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