Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize