rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
