She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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