I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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